Despite what the book said and the indoctrination of at least 50% of every baby aisle I did not go down the pureed food and baby jar route. I used baby-led weaning, and this was done after conducting a lot of my own research. By research I don’t mean I sat and watched you tube videos…well I did that too, but mostly ended up looking at cats falling asleep, so it wasn’t much help. My background is in science, so I sat down and found peer-reviewed documentation in reputable journals, and studies conducted by paediatricians. The reason I did all this? I was absolutely, irrationally sure that the first time my baby had solid food, she would choke to death. PPD is a bitch, and can lead to all sorts of anxiety that cannot be rationalized. This was not helped by everyone around me looking at me sideways, like I had grown another head. I am not prone to irrational behaviour, and so I found myself being dismissed with no one taking me seriously. With no other course of action, I used education to comfort myself.
It was my brother who suggested I investigate baby-led weaning. He is one of the (if not the) smartest and most sensible people I know, and as such I take his advice seriously. So, with a starting point, I started looking through information he sent me, and then went and ferreted out my own. Baby-led weaning forgoes the puree stage entirely, and heads straight to solids. We started with slices of apples and rusk biscuits. She would merrily gum the biscuit for half an hour or more, and a slice of apple was an excellent way of removing most of the biscuit pulp from around her face and hair after! This meant she got used to the feeling of food on her gums and around her mouth from the first moment, and so we had fewer texture problems than some parents with fae children face. That is not to say mealtimes are easy, she still drives me crazy with her pickiness and outright refusal to eat on occasions.
There are also things that if I had time again, I would not do and I would not allow: my husband has a love of “beige foods” – he is also a very picky eater – and he kept suggesting these as things to introduce to my daughter. At the time I was too tired to even think about arguing. If I could go back, I would stop the introduction of crisps and other such ‘junk’ into her diet at an early age. For the most part, her diet is more limited than I would like (a lament I am sure a lot of mother’s share) but there are more good parts than bad, and everything is in moderation. Yes, she has chocolate – but 5 chocolate buttons a day shouldn’t be the end of the world. She eats fruit, even if it’s limited to bananas, dried mango and the occasional slice of apple. She won’t eat vegetables that are recognisable, but her favourite meal is dahl so I can hide a lot in that.
Things I would recommend to any parent would be; avoid purees, start on solids when it’s time to wean. Look for things that your child can grasp, gum and investigate. It gets them used to the feel of food on their gums. Let them play with it. Put a large plastic tablecloth or tarp under their high chair, because it is going to get messy (I mean, if you can afford to coat your entire kitchen in plastic wrap that might be better, as I was removing food from the ceiling, light fixtures and radiators.. but that’s all part of it, I guess).
Have a large supply of muslins or cloths ready for wipe down, and get your baby used to having their hands and face wiped at the end of every snack or mealtime, regardless of whether they need it or not. If you have a fae child and this becomes routine, you will find that they will start to demand this at the end, and it saves a lot of fuss if they are used to it.
Have a specific spot on your table/their tray where plates go when they are done. This is doubly important if your child is non-verbal, it gives them a way to signpost that they are finished with their meal. We have a separate placemat when she moves her plate to indicate she is done with her food. I can count the number of times she has cleared her plate on one hand and have digits left over, so having a way for her to communicate this is vital. It also gives you a way to signal that a course has ended, and you are moving on, which can be useful if you have an incredibly slow eater.
Don’t make more than one meal. It sounds obvious, I know, but insist on ‘take it or leave it’: your child will not starve from missing a single meal. But you WILL run yourself ragged if they cotton on that you will offer multiple food choices if they reject the first. If you are planning to offer something they have never had before, make sure there is also a ‘known good’ on their plate – something they have eaten in the past and enjoyed. This means they have the option of trying the new food, but won’t go hungry if they don’t like it. It has been far and away the most successful strategy we have found for getting our fae to try new things.
While on the subject of trying new things, as much as you may want to dance a jig and scream it from the mountains every time they eat something: don’t. A simple “well done” will suffice. You don’t want to put your child off trying new things because they dread the attention it draws. Similarly, meal times should be enjoyable for all, not a battle. Don’t engage with ‘I don’t like it’s’ or ‘I’m not hungry’. The answer is the same “that may be the case, but you will sit with us anyway because it’s family time”. Oh, speaking of family time….
Have a dining room table and no tech during meals, any distraction your fae can find to do anything but eat, they will take it. Set them up for success with a table, away from the TV (or at least switch it off) and no tech. Eat together whenever possible, at least once a day, and have a conversation with them: pretend it’s 1995 and talk to each other. You may need to give your fae some sort of fidget toy to get them through – we have a small silicon octopus that has pop-ups on the tentacles and is easy to clean with dishes every day so it remains hygienic. It’s never allowed to go anywhere, and she only has it at mealtimes, so it never gets covered with general grime.
Get a plate with separate compartments so foods don’t touch; you would be surprised how much having different foods touch can be off putting to your little fae (yes I know they all end up in the same place and so do you but at this stage just roll with it!) There are many different ones to choose from in shops and online, if your little one is very independent (like mine) they may wish to choose their own, and that may encourage them to use it.
Be prepared to introduce foods more than once. Children’s tastes change as their taste buds develop; they can also take up to 10 introductions before they even decide if they like something. Fae children can also be put off by sensory issues on top of that if the texture or smell of a food is wrong, they can reject it without trying it. This is highly frustrating as a parent because, for example while my daughter will happily eat a slice of happily, she will not take a bite of a whole one. To her it simply isn’t the same thing.
If your fae is incredibly picky it can be tempting to ‘hide’ food in other foods. Something I picked from reading (see previous link) is that this can be detrimental. For example, if your child will eat oatmeal and you ‘hide’ fruit puree in it by mixing the two together, it’s possible that not only will they reject the mixture but they will in future also reject the oatmeal as well, as you have made it unsafe. No matter how tempting it is to ‘sneak’ extra food in: be careful if you choose this approach (I’m guilty of it and have been caught out more than once to my chagrin)
Stick to routine. Seriously, you may not realize how important it is to your little one, but even for neurotypical children it’s important. For neuro-divergent children it’s a lifeline. Have meals scheduled so they know what time they can expect to eat, make sure they have at least one familiar food every time, so they are not overwhelmed. Routines and little rituals build security for fae children: some of ours are insane, looking at them, but they have evolved that way organically (and will be the subject of their own post).
Above all, keep faith: evidence shows that most children do grow to be less difficult as they get older (it’s the only thing keeping me sane) and it will become less difficult. I’m a realist so I’m not going to say it will become easy. Above all, look at your child, are they healthy? Do they have energy? Are they growing? Then you’re doing fine. It’s so easy to get bogged down by what we are supposed to be doing that we overlook all the good we are doing. Try not to worry too much about what your fae is eating at this stage – we’ll work on that later: so long as they are eating and they are healthy, you’ve got this.
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Advice for weaning
Dennis the fidget octopus
Raising the Modern Fae 