Have you ever played one of those infuriating games where, for no apparent reason you have to unlock the green chest with the red key that you got from the one-eyed wizard to retrieve the amulet to make the cat talk so you can get the directions to the hidden forest to save the baby snake from the fire?
Lunch in our house is a lot like that. It can take over two hours to feed our daughter as she becomes fixated on anything other than eating. At the moment it’s ice lollies. She won’t be placated by the idea of a lolly after lunch, she wants it now. Despite being told repeatedly that if she would only eat the food that she asked for then she could have the sodding ice lolly: she refuses. Any attempt to dissuade her from her course to the freezer is met with fierce resistance.
She spent half an hour trying to get to the freezer, banging the table, shouting, and screaming. When this achieved nothing (it never does) she gave up and sulked, so we wiped her down and moved on. After two renditions of Baby Shark (which I believe is against the Geneva Convention) I suggested that we all ate in an effort to encourage her – “monkey see, monkey do” type of thing. Keen to do anything other than watch another rendition of overly-cheerful sea creatures bop along with the top predator, my husband agreed.
Which led to stage one of our mad game – have you got a ball? You need a ball. The ball is used to coax the reluctant fae along the floor into the kitchen – diner. If you don’t roll the ball into the room she won’t come happily. If she isn’t happy, then she won’t eat. So you need a ball.
Stage two: you need crisps, any crisps will do but in this case salt and vinegar (apparently, they go well with chocolate hazelnut spread). The crisps are so your fae can alternate between eating her lunch and your lunch, which is apparently the way to eat today.
Stage three: remember that fidget octopus she has? Well you need it now, as without it you have nowhere to store the ball. If you can’t store the ball, it will be rolled around the table getting in everyone’s food. So stuff the ball in the octopus. Yes, it looks pregnant, but whatever.
Finally, reheat the food. Because after an hour or so it’s stone cold and Fae creatures won’t eat cold food.
So the final score to get our child to eat the meal she asked for, we needed: a golf ball; microwave; two hours; and a small silicon octopus. And an ice lolly to follow.
Funny old world isn’t it?
Anyone else had issues like this? Please share I would love to hear it!
Raising the Modern Fae 