We recently discovered that our daughter has a remarkable ability to mask when she is uncomfortable in situations. Unfortunately this is incredibly common in children with autism, and it can be exhausting for them. My daughter finds noise distressing. She covers this at school (apparently) so well that I have been told that she has “no sensory issues”. I know that this statement is false. I have been irritated by it to the point that I have taken videos of her jumping off 7ft platforms into my husband’s arms. If my husband hadn’t been there, she would have still jumped and just been surprised when she hit the floor.
In the past few weeks, she has been refusing to attend her childminder sessions, claiming that they are ‘too loud’. This despite loving her childminder and having friends there. Interrogation of a barely verbal child is not something that can be achieved easily, nor quickly. It is akin to probing a particularly sensitive tooth and requires patience. Rum also helps. (For you, not the child. Although… no keep the rum for you)
From what I have been able to piece together from discussions with her teachers, LSAs and my daughter, they have begun bringing her into the dining hall early in the vain attempt to get her to eat. The dining hall in schools – for those of you who have repressed the memory – are an unimaginable din of all types of noise: the crashing of crockery; the shouts of students attempting to be heard over the conversation next to them; and teachers trying to maintain order over lunch queues. There can also be the hiss of dishwashers, and the screech of chairs on the linoleum… I can’t help but think that in a special school that there would be even more mixed into the cacophony. She comes out of school and just wants to go home and curl up.
This weekend, we got her some ear defenders. We took her to a largish soft play area, explained what the ear defenders were and allowed her to try them on. At first she was unsure, taking them back off and just carrying them around in her hand. But then as the play area became busier and thus noisier, she fell in love with them. She kept them on, would run up to us, eyes alight and place a finger to her lips going ‘shh’ – her way of explaining that she liked how they made the world quieter.
She was so happy that she could stay and play throughout the whole session, she kept them on all day. Today, she insisted on wearing them to school and felt so much more confident that she even left her security toy (a small plush dog) with me. So I was once again irritated to be greeted at the gate by an LSA who told me she “had no problems in the dining hall” – it was only when I pointed out that she was masking, that it was causing her distress, and that she was having to decompress from it at home, that I was assured that she would be allowed them. I will be following this up tonight.
So, is she ready to return to the childminder? Well, I’m hoping so! We’ll find out tonight. Wish me luck!
Raising the Modern Fae 