We have rules in our house. I’m sure everyone does. Importantly, they apply to us as well as our daughter. The most sacred of them is ‘if you say it, do it’. This goes for consequences, as well as rewards. We never promise anything that we are not sure we can deliver on. This means that she never calls our bluff on anything – which is a saving grace as it allows us to quell misbehavior with a simple ‘either/or’ choice. For example, “Either you sit properly in your car seat, or I will put this chocolate in the bin.” You’d be amazed how fast she can buckle up and sit right.
Right now, our fae is going through a phase of seeing sleep as the enemy: one that must be fought on every front. She will weld her eyes open in bed; plead for just ‘one more’ story; and do everything she can to stay up late. I would say she’s suffering from FOMO.. but seriously, once she’s asleep, all we do is sit on the couch and scroll instagram whilst drinking tea. I’d love to have the energy to do anything else.
To this end, my kid found a new way to stay up late by ‘being good’. She has recently discovered (via a show called “Yakka Dee’) soft boiled eggs. For anyone not yet familiar with this particular animated children’s entertainment: keep it that way, unless you are a fan of constant repetition or raising a functional mute. Each episode is just a few minutes long, and consists of repeating the same word over and over until you feel your eyelid twitching, and the urge to hurl something – possibly yourself – through the screen is almost unbearable.
Eating the egg takes a while which means our evening routine is already running late, which we are okay with, as this is the first non-porridge food she has eaten since January. She then looked around with a calculating look and decided she wants an apple. Again, whilst this will take time, fruit is good for you and eating them is to be encouraged. So she gets a (peeled, sliced) apple. Halfway through it she wants a banana instead. I tell her she can’t have a banana because she hasn’t finished the apple. She proceeds to take 40 fricking minutes to eat the goddamn thing and THEN smugly demands the banana. By which time we’re so late for her bath that we should put her straight to bed, except breaking routine is as bad as breaking rules.
And I can’t say no, because she kept her side of the deal by eating the apple. This kid doesn’t eat fruit. She has never been fond of fruit, but no, today, 40 mins on an apple and 30 on a banana because proving a point is a hill she will die on. This has my husband cracking up as he knows she’s doing it to see how long she can extend dinner by, I know it, and she knows it and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it. Because she is Being Good.
Still, the day after, it was my turn to try and keep a straight face: when he asked her if she ‘wanted anything else to eat’ after eating her porridge.. and she wanted a dippy egg. Which he had to then cook and present to her. Because eggs are good for you!
(She also made us play one of the most bizarre games of “I spy” ever known whilst she ate the egg. It starts out different by saying the colour of the object instead of the letter. Fair enough, she can’t spell. But then it went meta – “I spy, with my little eye, something hiding.”
Not to be outdone, her dad went back with “Is it a big green monster with three eyes and purple toenails?!?” She gave him a strange look and said “No, daddy” which he seemed very relieved to hear.
By the end of the game, we had looked for “things you can’t see” and “things that are invisible” and “someone that isn’t eating the damned egg fast enough” and I think maybe we need to introduce some rules to this game)
She was late to bed that night too.
Being good my arse.
Raising the Modern Fae 