This is going to upset a lot of people who think this is gatekeeping, but it needs to be said.
I don’t think there is such a thing as being “a little bit autistic”. Or a little bit ADHD. Or a little bit OCD. Or a little bit any other form of neurodivergence. You either are, or you are not. You cannot have “a bit of ’tism”, so please stop saying it. Stop saying things like “well, we’re all a bit on the spectrum.” No. We are not. That is not to say that ASD isn’t a spectrum, it is but saying everyone is on it is like saying because everyone has eyes everyone needs glasses. It doesn’t make sense and it simple isn’t true.
If everyone were, the world would look very different.
If the people who make the laws, rules, and decisions were autistic, life would not be an endless assault of forms that make no sense, contradictory instructions, arbitrary deadlines, and questions that could have been answered by reading the information already provided. Systems would be logical. Paperwork would be clear. Processes would work. Instead, navigating modern life often feels like a particularly cruel escape room designed by someone who hates you.
Lights would also be banned from flickering. Entirely.
If you don’t notice that LED lights flicker at around 50Hz—or that electricity itself makes noise—I envy you deeply. If everyone became distressed by background music, there would be strict limits on volume in public spaces. Fifty decibels max for non-essential audio systems. No tinny pop music bleeding into your skull while you’re just trying to buy milk. No surprise soundtracks in shops. Peace would reign.
Changing a shop layout overnight would be illegal. Menus would not suddenly change format for “fun”. Any “new and improved” recipe would require a clearly labelled phasing-in period of at least a year, and manufacturers would be legally obligated to announce packaging changes well in advance so nobody accidentally bought the wrong thing and had their entire week ruined by a different texture.
It would also be entirely acceptable to leave a meeting because someone was wearing strong perfume, cologne, or simply smelt. Makeup would no longer be considered the default expectation for women, but an option—because for some of us it feels like clawing our own skin off and suffocating at the same time. That’s not a feminist statement. That’s a sensory one.
So no, not everyone is “a little bit on the spectrum”.
Liking your books lined up neatly does not make you OCD. Enjoying organisation does not mean you have a debilitating, intrusive, anxiety-driven condition that can consume your life. Saying it does is insulting to people who actually live with it.
Neurodivergence is not fun. It is not a quirky personality trait. It does not give you magical memory powers, and it is not a free pass to be rude, cruel, or socially inappropriate. Being autistic is not a get-out-of-jail-free card for bad behaviour.
You still have to learn how to behave. You still have to learn what is acceptable.
We have started explaining this to our fae child: yes, her way may be logical, but humans expect a certain level of decorum, and she needs to learn how to pass as one. Is that unfair? Absolutely. Is it necessary for her safety and ability to exist in the world? Also yes.
Does this get us strange looks? Of course.
Does she adjust her behaviour in public?
…Well. I remain hopeful.
Merry Christmas to all—a strange human tradition involving killing trees and exchanging brightly wrapped parcels. This one, at least, my fae loves.
Raising the Modern Fae 