I have in the past talked about spoon theory, I’m going to elaborate further here and expand on it with new bits I have recently been told about.
So the basis of spoon theory is complicated so I asked chat GPT for an explanation and it did a pretty good job:
Spoon theory is a way of explaining what it feels like to live with chronic illness, disability, neurodivergence, mental health issues, or honestly just the kind of exhaustion that makes putting socks on feel like a hostile negotiation.
The idea was originally created by Christine Miserandino, who used actual spoons in a diner to explain energy limitations to a friend. Because apparently forks didn’t have the emotional range required.
The basic concept is this:
Most people wake up every morning with an unlimited subscription to “doing things.”
Other people wake up with twelve metaphorical spoons.
Everything costs spoons.
Get dressed? One spoon.
Answer emails? Two spoons.
Go to work? Four spoons and a small piece of your soul.
Unexpected phone call? Catastrophic spoon incident.
Healthy people tend to operate on a “battery fully recharges overnight” system.
People living with chronic fatigue, pain, ADHD, autism, depression, etc. often operate more like:
“Congratulations. You have been issued seven spoons and one of them is already on fire.”
A further problem is that spoons are not allocated fairly. Some days you wake up with plenty.
Some days you wake up already in overdraft because your body spent the night apparently fighting demons in the astral plane instead of sleeping.
And once you run out of spoons, you don’t magically keep functioning. You enter increasingly cursed stages of existence:
- “I’m fine.”
- “I just need tea.”
- “Why is the fridge open?”
- “If one more person speaks to me I may dissolve into static.”
It’s also important to note that spoon expenditure is wildly inconsistent.
For example:
- Going to a concert: 8 spoons.
- Researching medieval plague burial practices at 2am: somehow gives spoons back.
- Making one phone call: legally considered an assassination attempt.
People without spoon shortages often accidentally say things like:
“Just push through it.”
Which is a bit like telling someone:
“Have you tried simply not running out of blood?”
Spoon theory is useful because it explains that energy isn’t just about being tired. It’s about having to budget your ability to function like a Victorian widow managing candle expenses through winter.
You start making deeply strategic decisions:
- If I shower today, can I still cook dinner?
- If I attend this social event, will I need three to five business days to recover?
- Is this errand worth wearing outside trousers?
And honestly, once you understand spoon theory, a lot of behaviour suddenly makes sense:
- why someone cancels plans last minute,
- why “small tasks” pile up,
- why overstimulation can feel physically painful,
- and why people become irrationally protective of comfortable blankets and quiet rooms.
Because sometimes the difference between coping and crying in a supermarket aisle is literally one spoon.
But along side spoons there are fucks and tickets.
So if you have spoons you can get stuff done. If you have fucks you have the motivation to get it done. So spoons and fucks; you get what needs to be done, done. Whether that is homework, housework or planning to build a Death Star and learning to ride a unicycle.
There are also tickets. Tickets act as ‘entry for specific tasks’ so you may not have motivation for everything but if you have a ticket something (whether it’s important or not) will get done, regardless of whether you have spoons for it.
For example I had a ticket a few weeks ago to build a flower bed. I also had a migraine. So instead of dealing with the migraine I built the flower bed and then had dehydration, dizziness and a migraine that lasted two weeks instead of three days. I could have not used the ticket, but then the flower bed would not have got made, the sunflowers my daughter grew would have died because there was nowhere to put them (and who knows when another valid ticket would turn up).
So yeah, spoons, fucks and tickets. The extended theory
Raising the Modern Fae 